We’ve Been Keeping a Secret

We’ve Been Keeping a Secret

I’ve been off the blogging band wagon for some time now. The only way to describe this year is CRAZY. We picked up our life in Oakville and moved to a brand new city to be closer to family. I started a new job in a completely new industry, ended up on a national television show, and hired my first employee. On top of all that, we bought and built our very first home. And as if that wasn’t enough we are becoming parents in 2019! Surprise! We are so excited to announce that we will be expecting our first little bundle of joy April 2019. I can hardly believe this is real, and that I’m finally going to be a mother.

But this story isn’t all rainbows and butterflies. In fact, this is a story of waiting, frustration, and questioning God’s faithfulness. I was married quite young (22 to be exact) and had always imaged having kids young. In my perfect, planned out world, I would have had my first baby at 24. But when 24 came around I was NOT ready. We had just finished paying off student loads and knew we needed to start saving to buy a house of our own. So, my baby plans were put on hold. When we had a good head start on our savings plan, family planning was once again pushed off to the side so I could establish my career and get to a point where I could feel comfortable taking a 1 year maternity leave. When I finally got to that place in my career, I was dead set on starting our family. But God had other plans for us. We had two trips booked to the Caribbean in areas where Zika was a risk. One trip was for my best friend’s wedding and the other was for a big family getaway to celebrate my dad’s 50th birthday. When my doctor advised me to wait 6 months until after our last trip to start trying I was devastated. This meant that I would have to put my plans on hold for yet another year. But God knows our future’s better than we could ever imagine. In that year of waiting, we moved to Kingston, got new jobs (mine which came with the work life balance I would require as a mother), and bought our first home. After all of this it was finally time to start trying.

The first month was so exciting and I was convinced that I was going to be one of the lucky ones that conceived right away. But as you might guess, I did not…and I was so discouraged. This went on for three more months which seemed like the longest three months of my life. The month we moved into our house was very stressful. I got sick the week of baby making which just made me exhausted and honestly took all the fun out of trying (sorry TMI!). I was at peace thinking that this month was going to be like the others and I would get my visit from aunt flow, simply because I was SO exhausted and did not feel pregnant. A few weeks had passed and I was at my parents when I realized that I was late. I decided to take the one and only pregnancy test I had left and couldn’t believe my eyes when the test turned up positive. I had it all planned out in my mind of how I would tell Andrew and my family, but that all went flying out the door as soon as I saw the positive test. I immediately started bawling and ran to tell my family the news.

You may be wondering where the frustration, disappointment, and anger comes in to this story considering it only took us 4 months to conceive. The truth is, when you’ve always dreamed about becoming a mother, the months of trying, symptom spotting, and being extra sensitive to your body, just to be disappointed in the end is physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausting. What makes it even harder is seeing people on social media post their pregnancy announcements. I hated the fact that when I saw a pregnancy announcement my heart sank into my stomach. I was happy for these people, but it so deeply hurt to know that we went yet another month without any success. You start to worry if there is something wrong with you, if there is a problem with your fertility, if God is somehow testing you. Every failed cycle ended in tears and questions. It was truly the hardest 4 months of my life.

And I know that I am not alone in this. After speaking with many women who have conceived or are trying to conceive, I’ve discovered these emotions are not unique to me, yet it’s not something that’s talked about. We talk about infertility, and we see all the pregnancy announcements that make conceiving and pregnancy look so easy, but we don’t talk about the journey to getting pregnant and the emotional toll it takes. So, if you’re reading this and are in the same boat that I was in only a few short months ago, I empathize with you and understand what you are going through, and you are not alone. And for those speaking to someone who is trying to conceive please refrain from saying things like “it will happen when it will happen” or “I knew someone that took 5 years to get pregnant”. We don’t want to hear these things, we are already well aware that it will happen when it happens, and that infertility might be a reality. We don’t need these thoughts which already circulate in our minds to be spoken aloud. We just need you to listen and support us. And for those lucky enough to have been able to conceive, please do enjoy your pregnancy and announcing it to the world but be mindful of all the ladies out there who are struggling and who might be hurting when they see you post your weekly bump pictures or pregnancy updates, and please DO NOT complain about your pregnancy on social media. Yes, it’s tough, but you’re lucky to have that little miracle inside of you. There are many other women who would trade places with you in a heart beat.

Okay back to our bump-date. Most pregnancy announcement blog posts are a 12-week bump update. I’m not going to do that because I want to respect the ladies out there struggling to get pregnant or those just simply in the waiting period, and don’t need another bump update to read. I also want to keep my pregnancy special by sharing the intimate details of it with just my husband, family, and close friends. Not everything has to be public right? All I will say is that I’ve had a typical first trimester with complete exhaustion, morning sickness, and body changes, but we are so amazed and full of wonder at the miracle of life and cannot wait to meet this little babe.

Now for a second announcement. With this exciting news, I have decided to give up my blog. Blogging, as much as I love it, requires a lot of time writing and being active on social media. I deliberately took a break from blogging when we found out I was pregnant to soak in every minute of this pregnancy instead of obsessing over the blog and trying to keep up with social media. When baby Lattimore is born, I want even more time spent completely devoted to being present with baby and family with no distractions. So, on that note, thank you to everyone who has followed along my blogging journey! Your support has meant the world to me. Who knows, I may be back one day but for now I’m just going to enjoy every minute of this experience.




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